What? I’m Smart?

During this time of year Alabama is absolutely gorgeous.  With the warmth of the sun on my face, the cool breeze blowing and a gorgeous view, I realize a dream is coming true.  Here I am sitting on this grand balcony overlooking the campus of Auburn University.  People buzzing around everywhere and the landscape of azaleas is breathtaking.  I’m in college.  It’s simply incredible sitting here among all the other lovers of learning.  I thought I couldn’t do it.

I remember after the birth of my second child, I desperately wanted to attend school but the reality looked grim.  So was I surprised when the conversation didn’t go very well?  No.  But nothing could have hurt more than being told, “You’re not smart enough.”  Words can cut to the core of a person and my heart broke into a million pieces.  Unfortunately, a horrible untruth  would creep in my head and already fragile soul.  Was he right?  Would I fail?  It would be almost twenty years before I really knew the answer to those haunting questions.

God even gave me a true gift trying to convince me of the truth, yet my mind was numb.  An opportunity to learn ultrasound came my way and with the support of great colleagues and physicians, I learned a skill that has truly blessed me for many years.  So why did I still feel dumb?  It’s because your husband’s job is to build you up not tear you down.  I guess that’s one reason after eighteen years we divorced.  The damage ran deep.

In 2009, I married a thoughtful, kind and caring man.  I can remember the conversation vividly when Emory asked, “What are your dreams?”  I told him of my wish to get a college education but still felt like I couldn’t do it.  Of course after explaining my reasons behind my thoughts he said, “Quit work and go for it anyway.  You won’t ever know if you don’t try.!”  After a few months of mental war with myself, I am happy to say I enrolled in fall of 2010.

Fast forward and picture me today sitting on this balcony taking it all in.  Trust me when I say, my college experience means a great deal to me.  Do I see myself the same way as I did a few years ago?  Not in the least because with so much love and support from family, I now live a life of freedom.  I also am happy to say that I have a 3.5 GPA and will be graduating in the spring of 2013. A valuable lesson from this experience has been that while getting a college education increases your knowledge, it doesn’t necessarily have to make you smart.  I already knew the answers to my haunting questions.  I just needed to believe in myself.  I am finally grateful I can see the truth.

Oh by the way, can anyone guess who will receive an invitation to my graduation?


11 comments on “What? I’m Smart?

  1. You should have it hand delivered to him on a silver platter! Great read and congratulations!

  2. You have a great story Kathy. I’m so happy to see you expressing yourself via a blog. Keep it up! All that you have experienced and all that you write will propel you to do positive things in the future.

    -Chris Craft

  3. Lee Ellzey says:

    War Eagle!

  4. I’ve been browsing on-line more than three hours today, but I by no means found any fascinating article like yours. It is beautiful worth enough for me. Personally, if all web owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the internet shall be a lot more useful than ever before.

  5. Yvonne says:

    I applaud you Kathy!! I couldn’t be more thrilled for you. I think it’s never too late to accomplish your dreams. My dream since I was in high school has also been to graduate from college and I found out two days ago that I’m just 7 classes away. I share a somewhat similar story with you, before I met my husband I was in a 6 year relationship with someone that would sometimes tear at my self esteem and tell me that I’d probably never graduate, and then I too met a wonderful, supporting, caring man that encourages me to follow my dreams. Yay to you!

    • Yay right back at ya! Having positive people in your life and believing in yourself makes all the difference in the world! Congratulations on your classes! How exciting to know I’m not alone and that God saved both of us!

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