I stink at being a friend…..It’s not that I don’t care, I just don’t know how to go about it. My “girly, needy” side never blossomed and it always seemed a complete waste of time to associate with a group of women that I assumed only talked of broken fingernails or one less day at the gym (tragedy). I found myself non-sympathetic to any of that and mostly considered it nonsense. My few attempts at friendships were not fulfilling probably on either part and usually withered away. I didn’t want to admit my skills for being a friend were extremely underdeveloped.
I can see a number of reasons for my guarded heart with the first one being my strained relationship with my mother. Secondly, my sister and I never really connected as children, although we’re now taking strides to make the necessary changes for a better relationship. Thirdly, I married at 17 and became isolated from the world to a certain degree, so my immediate family was my only form of close relationships and it would stay that way for over 18 years.
How was I going to change this unhealthy mindset? I had lunch with my sister yesterday and we started talking about this very subject and she said something that made total sense to me. She said, “Kathy, we are not in the habit of each other.” She’s right. How do you get better at anything? You have to practice, practice and practice some more.
My environment has changed within the last 6 years and I married a wonderful man over two years ago that has been extremely patient with me and taught me the true meaning of a healthy relationship. There’s no way I could have tried to improve this area of my life before because I didn’t have a clue (which is why I probably haven’t been that successful). I don’t place blame on anyone for my shortcomings but thank God for showing them to me. I can’t say this will be easy for me and will need lots of work on my part but I know that with God’s help, I’ll eventually get to where I need to be.
I’m grateful for those special people in my life and look forward to making my relationships with them stronger (especially my sister).