Can I be a Good Friend?

I stink at being a friend…..It’s not that I don’t care,  I just don’t know how to go about it.  My “girly, needy” side never blossomed and it always seemed a complete waste of time to associate with a group of women that I assumed only talked of broken fingernails or one less day at the gym (tragedy).  I found myself non-sympathetic to any of that and mostly considered it nonsense.  My few attempts at friendships were not fulfilling probably on either part and usually withered away.  I didn’t want to admit my skills for being a friend were extremely underdeveloped.

I can see a number of reasons for my guarded heart with the first one being my strained relationship with my mother. Secondly, my sister and I never really connected as children, although we’re now taking strides to make the necessary changes for a better relationship. Thirdly, I married at 17 and became isolated from the world to a certain degree, so my immediate family was my only form of close relationships and it would stay that way for over 18 years.

How was I going to change this unhealthy mindset?  I had lunch with my sister yesterday and we started talking about this very subject and she said something that made total sense to me.  She said, “Kathy, we are not in the habit of each other.”  She’s right.  How do you get better at anything?  You have to practice, practice and practice some more.

My environment has changed within the last 6 years and I married a wonderful man over two years ago that has been extremely patient with me and taught me the true meaning of a healthy relationship.  There’s no way I could have tried to improve this area of my life before because I didn’t have a clue (which is why I probably haven’t been that successful).  I don’t place blame on anyone for my shortcomings but thank God for showing them to me.  I can’t say this will be easy for me and will need lots of work on my part but I know that with God’s help, I’ll eventually get to where I need to be.

I’m grateful for those special people in my life and look forward to making my relationships with them stronger (especially my sister).


26 comments on “Can I be a Good Friend?

  1. It sounds like you’re taking positive steps to improve your friendships. You’re right, a big part of that is just getting out there and spending time with people. 🙂

  2. You’re welcome. I noticed you in the Christian section and thought I’d say hi. 🙂

  3. Kandi Dawson says:

    Looking forward to having you as a better friend but more importantly as a closer sister!

    Your Big Sister!

  4. Yvonne says:

    What a beautiful post, especially that you were so open and honest. God truly does help us and work within us in such wonderful ways. In the few comments that you’ve left on my blog I get the sense that you’re a very kind person with a caring heart. I think with practice you will find that your relationships will flourish.

  5. seakist says:

    Wow, this could have been written by me!

    I can totally relate. I was never into women or cliques either. I didn’t have a good relationship with my mother or half-sister and I never cared about half the things most women talked about.

    But after I met my husband (six years ago, like you!) I’ve felt so nurtured by his love, I had that much more love to give others. I’ve actively sought out female friends and now every Saturday I have lunch with a different woman in my life who is absolutely amazing (and some male friends too).

    When you look for it, you can find women that relate to life on a much higher level than fingernails! Ha-ha!

    It’s astonishing what a good man can do for a woman! I am so happy for you!

    Cheers! 🙂

  6. todayiprayed says:

    I love this line: “Kathy, we are not in the habit of each other.”
    it is so true. we must build healthy relationship habits in order to build the depth of relationship that we desire. God bless you!

  7. Bob Teague says:

    Excellent insight into yourself. We all need to fix something within ourselves and to be introspective at times. Great post

  8. K.S. Ballou says:

    All relationships are tough… I have few friends right now because I simply don’t have time, and while friendship doesn’t usually require quite the effort of a marriage or relationships with our kids, they still are work.

  9. hendritan says:

    Hi Kathy,

    I would like to thank you for liking my post ( May I know how did you find the post? Do you have any feedback? If you have, do you mind sharing? I’m very new so your inputs must be a great help. Thanks in advance ^-^



  10. Coach Sue says:

    Kathy what a great confession. True friendship takes practice and effort. It also takes forgiveness and being open to something new. Great post. Here’s one of mine that you might find interesting along the same lines.

    Sue Bock

  11. I stink at being a friend. But it really helps to know I’m not alone. Thanks for commenting on my blog and giving me that reference. I’ll be back to look around here some more.

    Best Wishes,


  12. 2b14u says:

    All the kids my age were boys – even at churh – so I learned how to relate with boys. I then raised two males…so, her it goes agains that I tend to have a lot of male freindships but less female. I am working on it too.

    • kathylashley says:

      I myself have always related better to men. It’s a work in progress, but I have actually started taking baby steps with a couple of women in my life. I’ve explained my thoughts and feelings and so far so good. Let me know how it works out for you. I wish you much success.

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