I’ve always had hope in my heart. Like many others, I’ve had a dark season in my life. You know what I’m talking about. You feel helpless, out of control and just down right depressed about it all. For some the season may only be days or months but for me it was years. Although I wanted to several times, I never gave up hope. Frankly, it was the only thing keeping me going.
I’m not blaming anyone else for my situation. I have always known (at least intellectually) that I am in control of my destiny but sometimes having children and wanting a “family to work” seems to take precedence over ones own thoughts and feelings and thus created a stronghold on my life that I still have not fully recovered from.
For 18 years I tried to keep a marriage going because of hope. I hoped one day I would be enough and that I could have a loving relationship. I hoped he would see that family is more important than wealth and power. During this time hope became my best friend because it was all I had.
Once the marriage was over and my new life began, I hoped that my children would understand why their parents divorced and the truth would be seen. I hoped they wouldn’t believe the lie that I didn’t love them anymore. This was a point in my life that I desperately held on to hope.
My relationship with my children has been like a roller coaster ride with too many dips to count. With no hope in my life I probably would have ended it all a long time ago. I realize death is a terrible thing for anyone to experience, but I think having living children that reject you ranks high on the list of sorrows too. I am their mother though and mothers shouldn’t ever lose hope for their children.
God has placed a desire in my heart that no one else has ever been able to take away from me. He gave me a true gift when He gave me hope. It has allowed me to open my heart to the love of a wonderful man and finally experience an authentic relationship. Hope has given me back my daughter and completely restored my relationship with her. Now I share my life with my daughter two beautiful granddaughters.
I know my hope and faith in God will soften the hearts of my two boys and they will realize that no matter what happened in the past, it doesn’t have to set the course for our future.
What is your true gift from God?
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