Even A Small Amount Can See You Through

I’ve always had hope in my heart.  Like many others, I’ve had a dark season in my life.  You know what I’m talking about.  You feel helpless, out of control and just down right depressed about it all.  For some the season may only be days or months but for me it was years.  Although I wanted to several times, I never gave up hope.  Frankly, it was the only thing keeping me going.

I’m not blaming anyone else for my situation.  I have always known (at least intellectually) that I am in control of my destiny but sometimes having children and wanting a “family to work” seems to take precedence over ones own thoughts and feelings and thus created a stronghold on my life that I still have not fully recovered from.

For 18 years I tried to keep a marriage going because of hope.  I hoped one day I would be enough and that I could have a loving relationship.  I hoped he would see that family is more important than wealth and power.  During this time hope became my best friend because it was all I had. 

Once the marriage was over and my new life began, I hoped that my children would understand why their parents divorced and the truth would be seen.  I hoped they wouldn’t believe the lie that I didn’t love them anymore.  This was a point in my life that I desperately held on to hope.

My relationship with my children has been like a roller coaster ride with too many dips to count.  With no hope in my life I probably would have ended it all a long time ago. I realize death is a terrible thing for anyone to experience, but I think having living children that reject you ranks high on the list of sorrows too.  I am their mother though and mothers shouldn’t ever lose hope for their children.

God has placed a desire in my heart that no one else has ever been able to take away from me.  He gave me a true gift when He gave me hope.  It has allowed me to open my heart to the love of a wonderful man and finally experience an authentic relationship.  Hope has given me back my daughter and completely restored my relationship with her.  Now I share my life with my daughter two beautiful granddaughters.

I know my hope and faith in God will soften the hearts of my two boys and they will realize that no matter what happened in the past, it doesn’t have to set the course for our future.

What is your true gift from God? 


Images courtesy of Google images



Everyone’s Walking Backwards

Imagine what the world would be like if everyone always walked backwards to get where they wanted to go.  Think of the confusion and chaos.  Why would anyone even want to do something so ridiculous? It just seems silly and useless to think about it right?  Most people would even argue that I was crazy for making such an absurd suggestion.  I would probably hear something along the lines like, “Don’t you know how long it would take me to get there?”   Or maybe something like, “I don’t have time for these games.”  So my question is why are so many people doing it?

Many are using a metaphorical mirror daily and don’t even know it. It’s taking them forever to reach their destinations and when they do arrive, it’s either no longer important or worse they’ve arrived to the party too late.  What happens after missing the party?  We try going home but it’s taking forever.  If only we could walk normal.

When I’m speaking to young people about making plans, goals and dreams for their lives, I try to show them how God plays a role in it all.  I have one of the kids go out into the hallway and another child will hide a book somewhere in the room.  When she comes back into the room I say, “I hid a book somewhere and you need to find it but oh by the way, here’s your mirror and you can only walk backwards.”  After the strange looks and giggles from everyone else in the room, the mission begins.  The other kids know where the book is but have no clue what’s really going on.  Time passes on and eventually the long-lost book is found and things get back to order.

I ask anyone if they understood the meaning of this activity, but my replies are mostly only blank stares.  We go through the process of how long it took to find the book and then I ask, “Could she have found it sooner if she had been able to walk forward like normal?”  Of course the answer is yes. Here’s my point I tell them, “Then why are you always looking back and judging yourself by your past mistakes?  How are you ever going to move ahead if you’re always looking behind you?”

In order to have success (and not the world’s definition of success), we must let the past go.  Did we make mistakes?  Yes, of course we did.  Is something we have done caused pain to another? Probably.  Are there consequences?  Most definitely.  Are we going to let those things have control over us?  We shouldn’t.  God’s plan for us is to not live in condemnation and he said exactly those words in Romans 8:1 “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.”

I certainly had a mirror that I carried around for a long time but decided to finally put it down.  It’s amazing when you can get beyond yourself how God can then do His work.

I want to thank Scot Phelps, the Director of A&M Partnership, for sharing this activity with me last year when he provided some training for my work facility.  My hope for this activity is to makes impressions on other people just as it did for me.