Can I Be a Good Friend – follow up


It’s been over a year since I wrote Can I Be a Good Friend and I thought the timing was perfect for a follow-up.  I’ve struggled with relationships with women for a long time and really never cared for them.  I couldn’t stand their bickering, back stabbing and competitive ways.  I found that on the few occasions when I did allow someone to come into my life that it always ended bad.

When I wrote the last blog I was seeing my Christian mentor and she taught me some really great things about myself, but I must admit that it has been scary to put my skills into action.  I knew last year the  most important relationship to mend was with my sister.  I am so happy to tell you that we are finally in the habit of one another.  We spend time with each other laughing and enjoying each others company.  I have even taught her how to crochet and look what she can do!

Kandi's Hat

I love my sister and I am grateful that God has brought our relationship together because without him we would probably still be very distant from one another.  God is building my faith that I can definitely be a good friend.  Here’s my beautiful sister.

Kandi

Last week I attended the New England Women’s Convention at International Family Church in Boston, Massachusetts.  There were 7 other women that attended this conference with me and spending 4 days and 3 nights with 7 women terrified me! I had never been on any type of trip like this before and was anxious about how all the personalities would intertwine.  I am proud to tell you that no blood was shed, everyone was patient and no one walked away with hurt feelings.  I truly believe it is because our common goal of being together was worshiping the Lord and learning how to gain strength from one another.

On our last night while we were eating dinner, each one shared their “take-a-way” from the trip.  I admitted my hesitations and that I felt truly blessed being surrounded by strong women that love God with such passion.  As I sat there and listened to the other women speak, it was then that I realized they all felt the same way to a certain degree.  I wasn’t alone and together we accomplished our goal.

I now know that I can truly be a good friend and that I am a caring and loving woman and have much to offer to the women in my life.  I cherish and value their friendship and can see our group being friends till we are old and gray.  I’ve wanted friends in my life for a long time and had no idea just how badly I needed them.

Here is a picture of the women that attended the conference starting from right to left:

Front Row:  Vicki Noordermeer, Rachel Wicks, me, Taylor Kerby, and Susanne Noordermeer

Back Row:  Carolyn Correia, Heather Worley, Lisa Bevere (guest speaker) and Allison Spratlin

Boston Group

By the way, for those of you who have never heard of Lisa Bevere, look her up!  What a mighty and strong woman of God and the messages that God has given to her are so powerful!  Check her calendar and if she comes anywhere near you, please go see her.  You will walk away fully charge and ready to become the woman God has created you to be.

The path I have laid before me has laughter, joy, peace and love because I realize that I’m not alone on this journey.  What is the success of these new friendships and me being a good friend?  Jesus, plain and simple.

 

Kathy

 

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These Shoes Saved the Day!


Whew…..another semester down and 3 more to go!

I thought I would share a funny story about what I did yesterday now that I have time to breathe after such a brutal week of 2 major projects, 2 tests, and 2 essays.

So yesterday morning I had an 8am final that I knew was going to be pretty tough and I had studied the night before as much as my brain would allow. I get up on time and get ready for school and although I usually eat breakfast, this week has been stressful and I haven’t been hungry.  My poor husband had fixed me pancakes and I tried but nope….couldn’t do it.  Thanks goodness he loves me anyway. 🙂

Emory walks me to the truck and I’m headed to take the final.  Keep in mind that I live 35 minutes from campus.  I left at 7:10am and get half way to school when I look down at my feet.  Guess what?  I have NO shoes on!  What in the world am I going to do?  It’s too late to turn around because I’d never get there on time!  Who does this?  Who forgets to put their shoes on?  My husband, I’ve got to call my husband!  Where’s the phone!  I can’t find my cell phone!  Oh wait…it’s in my lap.  Okay, Okay….I can do this!  I’ll get him to bring the shoes!  Yea that’s it!  By this time I look at the clock it’s 7:30.  Since he is a State Trooper and was working do you think this calls for blue lights?  Yes, of course it does!  (In my dreams because that would be breaking the law!)

There’s no way even if I do get him on the phone there would be time for him to bring me shoes.  Did I happen to mention that I live in the COUNTRY and the only thing I would pass is a CVS pharmacy?  I’m still calling him because at this point I’m needing some moral support right?  As we are talking this out, I look over and what do I see?  Could it be?  Yes!  Yes!  There’s a pair of heels in the floor board!  Shouts of thank you go out to the Lord!  Once again He planned for my careless brain!  As I said my goodbye to hubby, I could still hear him laughing at me.

I thought I would share some reactions from the people who love me.

  • My sister tells me, “Well you are from the country.”  My response was, “What would I have done had I not had those heels, gone barefoot?”  (Don’t put it past me and my jeans were long enough, maybe no one would notice much).
  • My sister-in-law said, “That’s worse than wearing two different color shoes to work.” I told her “Thanks you’ve made me feel SOOOO much better.”
  • My friend Christina says, “That’s worse than a naked dream come true but a REAL woman has a pair of heels handy.” I said to Christina, ” I am a REAL woman but really a woman who takes her shoes off in the car and doesn’t clean it out.”

It takes me a good 10-15 minutes after parking to get to the classroom because we (students) have to park in the back 40 of the campus!  I strut my stuff walking to that classroom.  There’s just something about slipping on a pair of heels that your personality changes (at least for me) and after this fiasco of a morning, I needed to feel in charge!  I got a few stares but who cares?  At least I was looking good, which is more than I can say about many of the college girls I see (but that’s another post).

I took my test and pranced out the door in my Ferragamo shoes!   

Living this life of freedom allows me to tell these silly stories where in the past I would’ve never even dared to tell.  I’m glad that I’ve come to a place where I can finally laugh at myself.  It sure makes it more fun!

Can I be a Good Friend?


I stink at being a friend…..It’s not that I don’t care,  I just don’t know how to go about it.  My “girly, needy” side never blossomed and it always seemed a complete waste of time to associate with a group of women that I assumed only talked of broken fingernails or one less day at the gym (tragedy).  I found myself non-sympathetic to any of that and mostly considered it nonsense.  My few attempts at friendships were not fulfilling probably on either part and usually withered away.  I didn’t want to admit my skills for being a friend were extremely underdeveloped.

I can see a number of reasons for my guarded heart with the first one being my strained relationship with my mother. Secondly, my sister and I never really connected as children, although we’re now taking strides to make the necessary changes for a better relationship. Thirdly, I married at 17 and became isolated from the world to a certain degree, so my immediate family was my only form of close relationships and it would stay that way for over 18 years.

How was I going to change this unhealthy mindset?  I had lunch with my sister yesterday and we started talking about this very subject and she said something that made total sense to me.  She said, “Kathy, we are not in the habit of each other.”  She’s right.  How do you get better at anything?  You have to practice, practice and practice some more.

My environment has changed within the last 6 years and I married a wonderful man over two years ago that has been extremely patient with me and taught me the true meaning of a healthy relationship.  There’s no way I could have tried to improve this area of my life before because I didn’t have a clue (which is why I probably haven’t been that successful).  I don’t place blame on anyone for my shortcomings but thank God for showing them to me.  I can’t say this will be easy for me and will need lots of work on my part but I know that with God’s help, I’ll eventually get to where I need to be.

I’m grateful for those special people in my life and look forward to making my relationships with them stronger (especially my sister).